Tuesday, March 9, 2010

Stupid Questions

Disclaimer:  This is not related to housing, politics, the economy, or anything I typically rant about, just stupidity in general.  Read on if you wish...

Whoever coined the phrase: "There is no such thing as a stupid question." must have been one of the most utterly retarded people to have ever walked the earth.

Stupid questions exist.  This is a fact.  We all get them.  I am not saying all questions are stupid.  Nor am I saying that only stupid people ask stupid questions.  Indeed many stupid people don't ask any questions, and many otherwise intelligent people ask plenty of dumb questions.

Stupid questions exist in many forms, and for many reasons...let's look at some of them.

The stupidity of a question relates directly to how likely the individual asking the question should know the answer.  As such, 2 different people can ask the exact same question, and only one of them may be posing a "stupid" question.

Example:  If a 5 year old asks what 2+2 is, it's not a stupid question.  If a 10 year asks the same question, you may think he is mildly handicapped.  If a univesity student asks the question he may want to reexamine his life.

This isn't specific to educational levels either, clearly experience plays a role.

If an airline pilot asked you how to land a plane...or a dentist asked you what the difference between an incisor and a molar was, they would both be deemed incompetent.  Reverse the questions and everything is fine.

OK, so we've established that education/experience plays a direct role in how stupid a question may be.  Let's move on to how many times questions can be asked before it becomes stupid.

If you ask a person a reasonable question, it is reasonable specifically THE FIRST TIME.  If you keep asking the same fucking question over and over, each subsequent question indicates that your mental capacity may be closer to that of an amoeba than that of a human being.  (If you manage to ask different people the same question, they may not notice how much of a mental midget you are)

Not only is each subsequent question more and more stupid, it also has the added benefit of completely and utterly wasting the time of the questionee.  Said individual probably considers you the equivalent of dirt (except dirt doesn't ask any stupid questions...so that's clearly a bad analogy).

Another niche stupid question is one where the question is virtually incomprehensible.


How think you is that because?  Problem: improper command of the English language.
If the sky is a blue and 6 times 8 is 48 and motor oil is a lubricant, do you think 48 cans of motor oil being drunk by a squirrel that has a kidney disease and farts rainbows is a good idea?  Problem: Too many drugs.

How to deal with stupid questioners:

1. Answer them anyways. (this sucks because then they continue to ask the same fucking question over and over ad nauseum).
2. Ignore them.  (I like this one - it frees up your time and tells them "fuck off and be self sufficient")
3. Point them in the direction of where they can find the answer.  (This one sounds good in theory, except if you repeatedly point them to documentation, Wikipedia, Google, etc. you inevitably STILL get asstards that can't find the freaking answer)
4. Provide sarcastic anal reaming responses that completely insult their feeble intelligence and generally let them know how retarded they are, potentially with the goal of making them cry. (Cathartic...so I like...may be difficult to pull off in a work environment if you have to behave "nicely" with your co-workers)
5. Fuck with them and give them crazy answers...then deny you gave them that answer because only a "complete idiot" would believe that shit. (More entertaining than 4...but with the same problems).
6.  Physical violence or the threat thereof.  (may be problematic if the questioner is bigger than you, carries a gun, or is a ninja...similar problems to 4, 5 as well).
7.  Scream insanely, confide in friends (or apparently the internet in general) the utter stupidity of Stuipid McStupidson (often over drinks)...and then concede and "politely" do 1, 2, or 3.

Seriously.  Before being "that guy" ask yourself these questions first::

1."Should I know the answer?"  If answer is yes, determine the answer.
2."Have I asked the same person the same question (numerous) times before?"  If answer to this is yes, and you still intend on asking the question, at least apoligize in advance for asking the question.
3. "Can I find this information somewhere else myself?"  If yes, determine where you can find the answer.
4. "Is the question specific and comprehensible?"  This one may be tricky to determine, but here's a hint:  If the questionee gives you a "WTF is this guy smoking?" look and almost laughs with an annoyed look while shaking his head...followed by "What?" or "Pardon?" - you may have just asked an incomprehensible question.  Congrats dummy!

Seriously, I should be a fucking life coach.

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